65

Long Live the Queen review

Our Verdict

Theres solid storytelling and mechanics behind the numbers, but the art and sound could be much more interesting.

PC Gamer's got your back Our experienced team dedicates many hours to every review, to really get to the heart of what matters most to you. Find out more about how we evaluate games and hardware.

“Reader, I married the gross creepy dude to prevent a war.” This is probably how my crown princess' diary would end. Also, she would say, “I am proficient at military strategy and swording people in the gut.”

This is a fantasy political intrigue spreadsheet where a number can kill your cursor; a sly and intriguing visual novel that weaves political narrative with stat skill-ups and assassination attempts. In other words, it's Football Manager for people who prefer death-prone royalty to accident-ridden athletes.

Starting as teenage queen Elodie after the death of your mother, you take control of the Novan empire, settling disputes, learning mystical powers and taking classes in how to Be A Proper Badass.

At first I looked at the game with suspicion. The art is very girly, and looks like a thousand Japanese dating sims. It's nice to play something that doesn't stink of locker room towel-whippings, but I'm not keen to be smothered to death by hearts and pink ribbons.

The core of the game is your education: you take daily classes in physical, intellectual, social and mystical skills in order to negotiate the tumultuous narrative and survive until coronation. Over time you level up each of the many skills and skill subsets that will make you a royal success – be it court manners, battlefield medicine or ciphering. Mood is essential: choose an action during the narrative that makes you afraid, and you can't train in swordplay efficiently; accidentally get lonesome and you can learn to decorate a dress like motherflippin' Donatella Versace.

This game of thrones can end very abruptly: on my first playthrough I died by roadside bandit on the way to a birthday party. On the second I ate poisoned food sent by some pissed-off foreign confectioner. The third time, I died by the sword of a mop-headed nobleman who surprise stabbed me at a tournament. All were preventable: I could have avoided the events – or I could have trained myself in reflexes, poison, or magically burning the bollocks off Eton-educated ponces. The only way to learn what to learn is through trial and dying, though.

It's refreshing to play a game that emphasises the difficult and complex lives of the lost heroines of history. There's a Progress Quest-esque thrill I get from seeing those skill bars fill up golden, bringing my princess wisdom and grace. If you can get past the cliché gender-pandering veneer, it's a good yarn and very satisfying to advance.

It's like looking at the partial skeleton of a much bigger game, a sort of primitive Civ, though replayability is limited due to the set narrative and dialogue choices. The only lasting niggle was the penetrating piano music, so I replaced it with Dizzee Rascal's Fix Up, Look Sharp and bodypopped my way through the history books to become the hip hop queen of Nova.

◆ Expect to pay: $12.30 / £8

◆ Release: Out now

◆ Developer: Hanako Games

◆ Publisher: In-house

◆ Multiplayer: None

◆ Link: www.hanakogames.com

The Verdict
Long Live the Queen review

Theres solid storytelling and mechanics behind the numbers, but the art and sound could be much more interesting.

Latest in RPG
Henry from KCD2 wearing nice outfits
'Diversify your fashion endgame' with this Kingdom Come: Deliverance 2 mod that gives Henry fly new gambesons, pourpoints, and caftans
Mark Darrah
BioWare veteran says a big delay is better than lots of little ones, because sometimes you just gotta 'burn it down and take the other fork in the road'
Honey B Lovely
The state of Final Fantasy 14 in 2025: It's in a weird spot, huh?
Alma, the handler from Monster Hunter Wilds, closes her eyes and looks a little disappointed.
This impractical method of getting a 1-second capture time in Monster Hunter Wilds can make you the fastest hunter alive—on paper
Monster Hunter Wilds Artian weapon crafting - Gemma holding hot metal
Gemma's English VA is right with us on Monster Hunter Wild's confusing menus, which makes me feel a little better for having to Google symbols all the time
No Rest for the Wicked Steam early access screenshots
No Rest for the Wicked developer Moon Studios is now 'fully independent' after acquiring the rights to the game from Take-Two
Latest in Reviews
Audio-Technica ATH-R50X headphones
Audio-Technica ATH R50X review
The Corsair K70 Pro TKL gaming keyboard seen from above, with the wrist rest attached, on a well-lit desk. Game mode has been activated, bathing every key in red light.
Corsair K70 Pro TKL review
NZXT H7 Flow PC case being built into
NZXT H7 Flow review (2024 Edition)
Two characters sitting on a bench talking
Wanderstop review
Asus ROG Swift PG27UCDM gaming monitor
Asus ROG Swift PG27UCDM review
Photo of an AMD Ryzen 9 9950X3D processor
AMD Ryzen 9 9950X3D review