Can you feel it? It's happening. The Witcher Netflix series is just a couple of days away (December 20!) and with it comes the long-awaited live-action version of Tub Geralt. The man. The meme. The legend.
We can't wait to see how the live-action Tub Geralt scene compares to the game version (and, to a lesser extent, I guess we're also interested in how the rest of the show is). Like Geralt's tub, we're filled to the brim—with questions. Will Geralt have a makeout sesh with Yennefer? Will a magic lobster try to crawl up Tub Cavill's butt? Will he stick his big stupid shiny feet right into the camera? And most importantly, how far into the season will we have to wait until the scene shows up?
In fact, that's our question this week: Which episode of Netflix's The Witcher will show us Tub Geralt? We've made our bets below—some extremely scientific bets at that—so be sure to add yours in the comments.
Jarred Walton: Episode 1
Bathtub Geralt is in the opening scene from The Witcher 3, and while there are plenty of potential reasons to hold that for later in the Netflix series, I think we're more likely to get it early. Sex sells, and what's more sexy than Henry Cavill in a bathtub? I don't think it will open the show, but Bathtub Geralt will end up in the first episode.
Lauren Morton: Episode 2
I'm with Jarred in that I don't think the show will hold its sexy Geralt card too long. After all, for anyone that isn't already familiar with The Witcher in some way, its immediate impression will be "the next Game of Thrones." GoT was well-known for blending sex and drama and The Witcher showrunner likely knew she would need to dish out the fan service that "prestige TV" watchers are hungry for. That said, I'm putting my Orens on episode 2. From what we've seen in trailers so far, the bathtub Geralt scene also involves Yennefer sitting nearby. The description of episode 2 is "We look at a sorceress's earlier days." Maybe our long-awaited tub scene is a chance for the two to reminisce and for Yen to share some backstory.
Jody Macgregor: Episode 6
I agree the first episode is pretty likely place for Tub Time, but if the show does hold off to keep us waiting then maybe they'll save it for episode six? We know that episode is titled Rare Species, and is probably based on the short story The Bounds of Reason—the one where Geralt gets caught up in the hunt for a dragon. He does take a bath in that story, although admittedly not alone. Sorry, is "Geralt fucks" a spoiler? I don't know what counts as a spoiler any more.
Evan Lahti: Episode 5
The most fan-servicey episode of The Mandalorian was #5, so I'll follow that formula for my guess. I mean, you don't splash your ace card in the opening hour of the series, surely? Geralt needs to go through some stuff that would be worthy of a spa day.
James Davenport: Episode 3
We'll see Geralt take a bath in Episode 3, minute 45 or so. Episode 2 will end with a cliffhanger in which he gets the water going, but first we'll have to go through some pre-bath flash forwards where we see the consequences of Geralt getting clean. We need to build to the moment he chooses to wash, see where his head was at in the moment. That future context will give it some major emotional heft.
Tyler Wilde: Episode 4
It takes one episode to introduce the world (dark, grimy, bad), another episode to establish the relationships between characters (I assume also dark, grimy, and bad), one more episode to really dirty up 'ol Geralt with the climax of an early arc, and then in episode four he'll scrub it all off to prepare for the final arc leading to the finale. So it was written, so it shall be.
Wes Fenlon: Also Episode 4
I'm mighty tempted to guess that Geralt will get wet in the very first episode, but after some careful narrative calculus I'm going with Tyler. Old Henry is gonna get in that bath in episode 4, 15-20 minutes in. That episode is titled "Of Banquets, Bastards, and Burials," while episode 3 is titled "Betrayer Mood." Clearly, Geralt is going to fight a werewolf in episode 3, and he's going to get pretty grimy in the process. In episode 4, he's going to get roped into some banquet he definitely does not want to go to, probably in Nilfgaard with Yennefer. And if you're going to a banquet, you gotta take a bath. After three episodes out in the wilderness, this'll be the first time we see Geralt squirm in a fancy doublet as he tries to play nice in polite society. It's not going to go entirely well, but at least he'll be clean for awhile.
Fraser Brown: Episode 8 (post-credits)
We will see Geralt soaking in the tub in a post-credits scene in the final episode. Unfortunately, we'll probably miss it because Netflix will immediately start advertising a stand-up special the moment the credits roll.
Rachel Watts: Episodes 1-8
I think that Geralt will finally start to take his personal hygiene seriously and take a bath at least once per episode. Eight episodes, eight bath times.
Chris Livingston: Season 2, Episode 1
I'll go with the dark horse pick. They filmed it and put it in the trailer to show off Cavill's glistening body, but it wound up on the editing room floor. The scene won't be shown at all this season, and the fan backlash will be tremendous. "We want Tub Geralt!" they'll cry, and so Netflix will make sure to include a tub scene immediately at the start of Season 2, along with some meta line from Geralt like "Finally, I've been wanting a bath for ages," as a nod to the fans going nuclear.
