I called the Vault-Tec phone number from the Fallout show so you don't have to

Actor Walton Goggins and a Vault-Tec phone number

(Image credit: Prime TV)

In the sixth episode of Prime TV's Fallout series we're treated to a pre-war Galaxy News broadcast hosted by Cooper Howard (Walton Goggins), debonair star of stage and screen. The broadcast takes place deep inside a Vault-Tec Vault, as Howard gives us a tour of model 96-JQ-1164 which has been constructed with sturdy three-foot-thick lead casing. As Howard puts it: "Strong enough to keep out the rads… and the Reds."

Wink.

This isn't so much a news broadcast as a sales pitch. Wouldn't you like to reserve your spot in a Vault… you know, just in case the world ends tomorrow? Howard charmingly suggests you call Vault-Tec today to purchase your own residence in a Vault, and a phone number appears on the screen.

Well, I sure don't want to die or become ghoulified if a bunch of atom bombs get dropped on my neighborhood, so I picked up my phone and called. I was expecting a little easter egg, maybe the start of an ARG, a clue to discover a secret about the Vaults, or some other interesting bit of connected Fallout lore.

Uh… nope? Here's what you hear if you call the number. Make sure your sound is up, but not too far up. Loudness warning ahead:

I'm no genius, but something tells me things at Vault-Tec didn't go quite as well as planned. On the other hand, maybe 20 seconds of horrified screaming does constitute an ARG... a literal aaaaargh.

Maybe it's better to take your chances on the outside. If you are still hoping to reserve your own spot in a Vault, however, here's a ranking of all the Fallout Vaults to help you make your choice.

Chris started playing PC games in the 1980s, started writing about them in the early 2000s, and (finally) started getting paid to write about them in the late 2000s. Following a few years as a regular freelancer, PC Gamer hired him in 2014, probably so he'd stop emailing them asking for more work. Chris has a love-hate relationship with survival games and an unhealthy fascination with the inner lives of NPCs. He's also a fan of offbeat simulation games, mods, and ignoring storylines in RPGs so he can make up his own.