I thought today would be a normal, boring Monday in the office. I reply to some emails, write a news post, and check Twitter to see if anything's popping off, only to discover that the de-evolution of man has now officially begun. Our descent into apehood starts now, with the new McDonald's gaming chair—AKA: The McCrispy.
Sometimes I wonder if I’m subscribed to the right press lists. And then McDonald’s makes a gaming chair. pic.twitter.com/pzmQiy16cdNovember 7, 2022
No, you've not slipped into an alternate universe where Ronald McDonald is a famous esports athlete. The McCrispy is a real, palpable gaming chair that you can win by entering an official McDonald's Facebook competition—because of course it's a Facebook competition.
There are only four in the entire world, which means we shouldn't be seeing every Streamer with questionable revenue streams sporting one of these babies, though this may yet open up a terrifying opportunity for corporations to follow suit.
I dread to think.
The design is a vomit-inducing black and yellow, with McCrispy printed slantily across the leather and even a matching lumbar support pillow. Of course, there's a giant M on the black headrest and even the wheels have the McDonald's yellow slapped on them.
It comes complete with a fries holder, two dip holders and "burger 'heat zone' to keep your McCrispy warm."
Never, in my 30 years on this earth, have I felt the need to keep my McCrispy warm. Imagine all those germs, fermenting your burger for hours on end. Moreover, never have I (nor anyone I know) expressed a wish for a heat-emanating gaming chair. Gaming chairs are already warm enough with us sitting in them, working up a juicy gaming sweat. Normally gaming chairs are advertising the opposite feature.
The worst part is that McDonald's is selling the seat on its grease resistant leather treatment "so no need to worry about spills and stains." Ah yeah, just gobble it down, folks. No need for table manners, and you can forget about all that work you put in cleaning your gaming keyboard.
Welp, time to wave goodbye to the dignity of the human race. And no, we won't be getting one in for testing so don't expect a review.
