I Love You, Colonel Sanders! A Finger Lickin’ Good Dating Simulator is out today on Steam. It sure is an advert for fast food and aloof men. It is far better than it has any right to be—that's the trap—but I already regret immersing myself in chicken and late stage capitalism.
Colonel Sanders is a hot student in a culinary school with dreams of opening a chain of chicken restaurants. You want him to shower you in gravy and kisses, so you'll need to impress him while also graduating. Your teacher is a dog.
It's around an hour long, but it still manages to replicate the dating sim formula incredibly well. It's very simple, but there are still various paths and dead ends, including a few where you actually die. The art is a highlight, while the writing is funny enough to be up to the task of making you forget you're playing an advert. Almost.
Since it's an official game, the price of entry is sitting there while you're told KFC is great. The dishes you cook—with some multiple choice questions—are all KFC staples, complete with red-and-white containers, and of course they're the greatest dishes anyone has ever tasted. It's harmless, but I don't like it when adverts get in the way of me banging a fast food mascot.
I did not, lamentably, get to shag the Colonel. I sweated next to him, got knocked out by his horse, failed to smooch and, at graduation, all our relationship amounted to was coupon to a restaurant that didn't yet exist. Thanks, Colonel. I debased myself and I didn't even get to make out with anyone.
Psyop also developed Camp W, a magical adventure game set in a summer camp, which is conveniently on sale. If you found yourself seduced by I Love You, Colonel Sanders, you might want to take a look.
