Modding and warfare peak with mod that imposes 1% chance of a Five Nights at Freddy's jumpscare in WW2 strategy sim Hearts of Iron 4

Freddy Fazbear screams at the player over a game of Hearts of Iron 4.

(Image credit: Paradox / Scott Cawthon / Krumtum)

War is hell: The scent of cordite, the clamour of artillery fire, the blood and the smoke and the guys from Five Nights at Freddy's popping up randomly to scare you. It's a nightmare made flesh, and something we ought to have grown past as a society, but which remains as a sad holdover from another age (2014, release year of Five Nights at Freddy's).

Or, at least, that's the case in Five Nights at Hearts of Iron 4, a mod/crime from an author named Krumtum that you can currently find over at the Hearts of Iron 4 Steam Workshop page. It does exactly what it sounds like: Mashing up the characters of FNAF and the unrivalled destruction of the greatest conflict in human history in a real peanut butter/chocolate-style combo.

"Have you always wanted HOI 4 to be more scary?" asks our author, "No? Now you can make it with this mod!" Once you've subscribed, "Every day you've got 1% chance for a jumpscare," in which one of FNAF's many animatronic horrors will appear atop a devastated continent to howl blue murder at you. In times of war, the law falls silent, but Freddy Fazbear speaks up.

That is, frankly, all there is to it, but I was so baffled and charmed by the concept I couldn't help but write about it here in these hallowed digital pages. The comments on the Workshop page are a treat: "I FORGOT I HAD THIS ON AND F***ING DIED HOLY S***," reads one. "Summary: S*** yourself while going insane as you micromanage 5000 divisions because you forgot about this mod and HOLY S***THAT'S F***ING FOXY," goes another.

"You play, you play, you play, [then suddenly] Freddy: 'BOOOO YOU TROTSKYIST TRAITOR TO THE MOTHERLAND BOO BOO BOOOOO'," says a player. I don't want Freddy Fazbear to call me a Trotskyist. That might be the worst thing that can happen to a person.

If you, too, want to play Hearts of Iron 4 with a 1% chance of Freddy Fazbear denouncing you as a Trot, you can install the mod just by hitting subscribe on the Steam Workshop page. Then you can forget you have it installed and probably have a literal heart attack when it kicks in. I did warn you: War is hell.

One of Josh's first memories is of playing Quake 2 on the family computer when he was much too young to be doing that, and he's been irreparably game-brained ever since. His writing has been featured in Vice, Fanbyte, and the Financial Times. He'll play pretty much anything, and has written far too much on everything from visual novels to Assassin's Creed. His most profound loves are for CRPGs, immersive sims, and any game whose ambition outstrips its budget. He thinks you're all far too mean about Deus Ex: Invisible War.