The catfish is out of the bag: you can in fact romance Kai in Avowed. Despite leading us to believe that there's no romance in Avowed at all, it turns out Obsidian snuck a little in. Your potential romance with Kai isn't the blockbuster cutscene stuff of Baldur's Gate 3 or Cyberpunk 2077, it's true. Romancing Kai mostly involves a lot of conversations at camp and completing his personal quest. But by the end you can in no uncertain terms tell Kai your feelings and have them reciprocated—verbally, anyway—by your new aumaua amore.
How to romance Kai
- Complete Kai's companion quest Battle Scars
- Make quest choices that give Kai respect for your "clarity of purpose"
- You can romance Kai as any gender Envoy
Below I'll walk through each part of Kai's companion quest Battle Scars that you need to complete in order to romance him. Kai will give you the quest during a conversation as your party leaves Dawnshore for Emerald Stair for the first time so you shouldn't be able to miss it.
As for wooing Kai with your choices, Avowed doesn't have an overt approval system to reference, so it's difficult to judge just how much each of these decisions will affect his interest in a relationship. As we got to know each other better, Kai continually mentioned respecting my Envoy's "clarity of purpose" when handling quests. Here are a few choices he specifically mentioned agreeing with that you may want to make:
- Choose to spare Ygwulf at the end of the An Untimely End quest
- Eliminate the ranger traitor at the end of the Steel Resolve sidequest in Emerald Stair
- Save Fior mes Ivèrno before leaving Emerald Stair
- Say "I follow my principles, not my commands." when he asks your feelings about your personal mission after leaving Emerald Stair
- Don't allow Katoa and Haiako to continue their plans at the top of Old Pargrun Tower in Shatterscarp
Tama's Cabin
Kai will give you the quest Battle Scars and ask you to visit the cabin of his deceased friend Tama right as your party is headed into Emerald Stair for the first time. Tama's cabin is easy enough to reach west of Fior mes Ivèrno. When you arrive you'll find a painting of Kai and a small wooden whale he once carved for Tama, the twin to the one Kai wears.
If you're not picking up on the vibe of leaving a painting of someone prominently displayed in your home for them to find, yeah Tama felt very strongly about Kai. Loved him, no less, and this is when Kai finally realizes that the feelings he was also keeping secret had been reciprocated.
Kai takes the opportunity to beat up on himself for never realizing how Tama felt until he was gone. Although you can be supportive of him, he's not quite ready to hear it yet. Kai asks for some time to think through what he's found out and you'll pick up his quest again after reaching the next explorable zone, Shatterscarp.
Tama's badge
Kai gives you the next part of his quest during your party's conversation while travelling from Emerald Stair to Shatterscarp for the first time so again you can't really miss it. He asks you to look for Tama's badge, which is pretty deep into Shatterscarp, past the big Great Sand Sea area of dunes and plateaus. You'll find Tama's badge on the body of a skeleton (not his) tucked into a small waterway after fighting some risen skeletons and fire elementals in the area.
As soon as you pick up Tama's badge, Kai reminisces about old war stories on patrol with their squad. Tama was a good leader and a good influence that he misses, but he's still hanging onto some guilt. Kai feels responsible for the ambush that led to Tama's fatal wound. That's the way he feels that let Tama down and has been holding onto all this time.
Kai says that he hasn't told this story to anyone in a long time, but something about your leadership makes him want to open up. He mentions your "clarity" that he admires, and it almost seems like he's about to compare you to Tama. Almost.
Tama's memorial
At the end of your conversation about Tama's badge, Kai will ask his last favor: that you go visit Tama's memorial on the Shatterscarp coast and place his badge there. It's at the spot called Sailor's Rest east of Thirdborn along the water.
Kai has one last confession about Tama's death to reveal: that when seeing him on his deathbed after the attack, Kai volunteered to go find his badge and simply never came back to Thirdborn. He feels that he abandoned Tama at the very end. Kai has started to feel a part of the Envoy's group, too much like the good old days, and feels like he doesn't deserve that.
You'll get the chance to push Kai into a bit of an emotional breakthrough here. The Envoy can encourage him to move forward and make new mistakes and learn from those too, rather than dishonoring Tama's memory by associating him with this big emotional burden. You can be as gentle or tough-love on Kai as you want here; both will help him find closure.
Late in this conversation you can subtly push Kai in two different directions for his future:
- "You left more than Tama behind." — Kai considers returning to Thirdborn to help after your adventure.
- "You made Tama's memory a burden." — Kai considers travelling the world after your adventure.
- "You're choosing to give up." — Kai leaves his future open, saying he's done running away but hasn't decided what he's running towards.
This is where you've officially completed Kai's personal quest, Battle Scars.
Confessing to Kai
After completing Battle Scars, you can ask Kai how he's doing after seeing Tama's memorial. He's feeling more optimistic, and recalling all sorts of good memories about the squad.
If you tell Kai "I've got questions about you," you'll find a new conversation topic there: "I feel like we've gotten to know each other, haven't we?" Asking that leads into a conversation where you can tell Kai how you feel about him—which could be that he's a great friend, or you could invite something more. Here's what you can say to confess your feelings:
- "I feel like we've gotten to know each other, haven't we?"
- "I've come to really care about you."
- "Kai, I'm saying that I have feelings for you."
There are a couple more dialogue options after that where you can choose whatever tone you like—either way Kai will reciprocate your feelings after referencing the "clear sense of direction" you have and your internal moral compass.
At this point, it's time to put your newfound feelings on the backburner. Kai ends by saying "If you still feel that way after we've finished our journey…I want that, too."
