Magic: The Gathering will soon have 5 entire cards dedicated to Slimer, in case you want to strike fear into the heart of your local game store

Slimer engages in a... really upsetting-looking act of gluttony as part of Magic: The Gathering's upcoming Secret Lair drop.
(Image credit: Wizards of the Coast - Art by Leonardo Santanna)

There are more disgusting Magic: The Gathering cards in the universe's lore than those contained within this upcoming Halloween-themed Secret Lair drop. However, there's something about the malicious no-good gluttony of Slimer that fills me with dread.

For the uninitiated, these aren't new cards, but essentially "skins" of old ones, released via the TCG's Secret Lair series, which has crossed over with properties like League of Legends, Lord of the Rings, and Monty Python. Now existing in the same hallowed halls as Hatsune Miku, Slimer is getting five entire cards dedicated to his pustulent visage. The art of which has been shared by Polygon in the run-up to the Camp Totally Safe superdrop.

The names of these things, more than anything, are excellent in how unfortunate they make me feel. Have a gander:

  • Slimer, Voracious Apparition (The Mimeoplasm)
  • Slimed (Trickbind)
  • Escape Containment (Incarnation Technique)
  • Slimer's Feast (Windfall)
  • And Pernicious Deed, which is such an aptly-fitting verb for Slimer that it literally hasn't had its name changed at all.

The artwork commissioned for these cards is terrible—and by terrible, I mean absolutely stellar at doing what it sets out to do. Why is Slimer so into that chicken leg he's eating? Do we really need to see his unfurled tongue with webs of his saliva sticking to his fingers? Do I need to see his unfortunate butt moments after he slimed someone, his head turned over his shoulder as if in coquettish mischief? Must I bear witness to his cake-smothered upper lip as he engages in the most pernicious of deeds which is… eating a cake, apparently?

Yes, says Wizards of the Coast, yes you do. Even the Real Ghostbusters segment of the superdrop isn't safe from Slimer, although at the very least, he looks dapper and educated—though this is only because his mind's been swapped with Dr. Egon Spengler.

Mind, Magic: The Gathering is no stranger to gross-out cards. I tapped into the knowledge of our resident MTG enjoyer James Bentley, who was able to enlighten me to the existence of cards like Spike Breeder, Brain Maggot, and Peer into the Abyss, all with appropriately upsetting artwork. Brain Maggot in particular makes me feel like we had it nice and breezy with Baldur's Gate 3.

Slimer will also be joined by Chucky from the 1988 slasher Child's Play (and the more recent TV series), in case you'd like to engage your pediophobia (that's a fear of dolls). This entire cursed payload will be arriving September 30.

Harvey Randall
Staff Writer

Harvey's history with games started when he first begged his parents for a World of Warcraft subscription aged 12, though he's since been cursed with Final Fantasy 14-brain and a huge crush on G'raha Tia. He made his start as a freelancer, writing for websites like Techradar, The Escapist, Dicebreaker, The Gamer, Into the Spine—and of course, PC Gamer. He'll sink his teeth into anything that looks interesting, though he has a soft spot for RPGs, soulslikes, roguelikes, deckbuilders, MMOs, and weird indie titles. He also plays a shelf load of TTRPGs in his offline time. Don't ask him what his favourite system is, he has too many.

With contributions from
Read more
A man with ragged hair and beard faces upward to the sky. His eyes are missing and the sockets are dripping blood.
Forbidden Solitaire is an upcoming horror game about a cursed CD-ROM from the spookily distant year of 1995
A blue dragon rises into storm clouds
Wizards of the Coast throws a bone to players who miss vanilla Magic: The Gathering with a dragon-themed set called Tarkir: Dragonstorm
A goblin's face getting melted off by a magic crystal in Thieves of the Tome.
Do goblin dice math, slap your D&D players with severed troll limbs, and take revenge on Shakespeare in this year's wonderfully weird ZineQuest RPG kickstarters
Mage cards from Hearthstone's Into the Emerald Dream expansion.
Hearthstone card reveal: If it's wrong to love a magic blue owl, I don't want to be right
A punk rides a motorbike out of an explosion as its back wheel falls off
Magic: The Gathering's interplanar Wacky Wheels set is good actually
A goblin in goggles rides a rocket craft as it explodes.
Magic's death race set Aetherdrift gives us the goblins we deserve: ones who look like a psychobilly album cover
Latest in Card Game
A snakewoman holding a sickle
Magic: The Gathering's Tarkir: Dragonstorm set isn't just about dragons
A blue dragon rises into storm clouds
Wizards of the Coast throws a bone to players who miss vanilla Magic: The Gathering with a dragon-themed set called Tarkir: Dragonstorm
A joker card with other cards in the background
Balatro's publisher doesn't know how big the 1.1 update will be or when it's coming: 'He's just gonna show up one day and say, here's 100 new jokers'
The jester from Balatro, portrayed in unsettling detail in real life, wears an uncanny smile and stares at the viewer.
Balatro's LocalThunk isn't 'trying to pull a Banksy', he just 'wanted to be left alone to make his game'
Hands pushing poker chips on a table
Winning $2.6 billion in this poker videogame has completely ruined fake poker for me
A pack of real life Balatro cards.
The official Balatro Timeline documents the history of 2024's biggest game as its developer went from 'obsessed' with making it to 'shocked' at the reception
Latest in News
A screenshot from SaGa Frontier 2, showing one of the protagonists wandering through a quaint fantasy village
One of Square Enix' most underrated PlayStation-era JRPGs just shadow dropped on Steam
The titular character from Princess Mononoke is depicted riding the wolf goddess Moro and carrying a spear.
Studio Ghibli AI image trend floods social media, cheered on by OpenAI and denounced by critics as an insult to Hayao Miyazaki
Marvel Rivals tier list - Wolverine
Marvel Rivals director says a future patch will reduce the shooter's insatiable hunger for RAM: 'It's a very big problem'
Hogwarts Legacy potions professor holding a potion
An unannounced Hogwarts Legacy expansion and 'definitive edition' have reportedly been cancelled
Story of Seasons - A cahacter in a purple tuxedo stands outside in a town square talking to the player
Story of Seasons is doing another Harvest Moon remake and it might be the best the series has ever looked
Assassin's Creed Shadows change seasons - An upper-body shot of Yasuke looking cheerfully up into the distance.
Assassin's Creed Shadows puts up the 'second highest day-one sales revenue in Assassin's Creed franchise history'