Duke Nukem (or at least his voice) is now available for weddings

(Image credit: 2K)

While it may not be as life-defining an event as it used to be, your wedding day should always be special. And what's more special than having the gravelly baritone of Jon St. John—the one and only voice of Duke Nukem —declaring you husband and wife. Or husband and husband. Or wife and wife? It's 2019; it's all good.

I'm still torn on whether getting married by Duke Nukem would be a funny story to share with your kids decades later, or a terrible secret to take to the grave, but either way it's a thing that can theoretically happen now, thanks to Jon St. John becoming an ordained minister. Truly, a man of many talents.

He's even confirmed via Twitter that he's willing to switch character. Duke Nukem is all well and good if you're dealing with an alien invasion and/or abducted bikini babes, but not really my go-to for weddings, especially after Duke Nukem Forever. I'd much rather be wed by the eternally blank (but friendly) Big The Cat from Sonic Adventure, one of St. John's lesser-known roles. Or failing that, Mega64's totally unofficial Doug Huggem.

This raises a good few tangential questions. If you could pick any game voice actor to hold your ceremony in character, who would you pick. While Big The Cat would be hilarious, I can't help but feel that Deckard Cain from Diablo would convey the right tone. Just make sure everyone leaves after the rings and smooches are exchanged, no matter how much he asks you to stay a while and listen. Who would you pick?

Dominic Tarason
Contributing Writer

The product of a wasted youth, wasted prime and getting into wasted middle age, Dominic Tarason is a freelance writer, occasional indie PR guy and professional techno-hermit seen in many strange corners of the internet and seldom in reality. Based deep in the Welsh hinterlands where no food delivery dares to go, videogames provide a gritty, realistic escape from the idyllic views and fresh country air. If you're looking for something new and potentially very weird to play, feel free to poke him on Twitter. He's almost sociable, most of the time.

Latest in FPS
Team Fortress Spy being shocked
An FPS studio pulled its game from Steam after it got caught linking to malware disguised as a demo, but the dev insists it was actually the victim of a labyrinthine conspiracy
Neighbors Suburban Warfare screenshot a child aims a slingshot at a man from across a cul-de-sac.
A beta of backyard FPS Neighbors: Suburban Warfare is out now, and the balance discussion is hysterical: nerf trash can lids and children
Fragpunk
Somebody finally figured out casual Counter-Strike
Image for
Warhammer 40,000: Darktide’s getting a new roguelite wave defense mode that sounds a whole lot like a souped-up take on Killing Floor
Destiny 2: Season of Plunder promo image.
'We made one big mistake': Destiny 2 developer reveals how a small team dedicated to player retention led to a 20 hour server outage and character rollback
Bears in Space
I downloaded this bear-obsessed comedy FPS to kill time before Doom: The Dark Ages and discovered the most underrated shooter on Steam
Latest in News
Silent Hill f transmission trailer screenshots
Silent Hill f is not messing around – now it's been banned in Australia
MOUNTAIN VIEW, CALIFORNIA - AUGUST 22: A view of Google Headquarters in Mountain View, California, United States on August 22, 2024.
'Google must divest the Chrome browser:' DOJ renews call for Google to sell Chrome, and Android could be next
Victory screen of Big Rigs showing infamous "You're Winner" message under a three-handle gold trophy
One of the worst games ever made is coming to Steam, but we won't know how cruel this joke is until we see the price tag
Sci-fi character from Dune
Dune: Awakening promises us a breath of fresh air, skipping early access for a full launch with no monthly subscription in May
Baldur's Gate 3 Karlach concept art
'The dream of the tech industry is to sell off your company at an overinflated price and retire,' says actor behind Baldur's Gate 3's Karlach, 'And I feel that's being done with game studios right now'
assassin's creed shadows protector's armor
Assassin's Creed Shadows hits 2 million players, putting it on track to be the series' most successful game yet