Assassin's Creed Victory dos and don'ts

Assassin's Creed Victory 1.5

The UK team here at PC Gamer were delighted when the leaked setting for the new Assassin's Creed game was revealed to be Victorian London. Fantastic! But sometimes folks can go a bit Wee Britain when depicting our rainy little island, so after a team brainstorm and some hasty photoshopping, we've come up with a list of dos and don'ts for Ubi to take note of when building London for Assassin's Creed. Stick to these rules and you're sure to get the best—or at least silliest—Assassin's Creed yet.

Let's begin with a few obvious dos.

DO: Replace hay carts with heaps of urchins.

DO: Hidden blades in top hats.

DO: Hidden top hats in blades.

DO: Replace the Brotherhood with a network of chimney sweeps. Instead of assigning them assassination tasks from a menu, you could carry mucky children to the rooftops of known Templar sympathisers.

DO: Tie Jack the Ripper into the templar/assassin conspiracy.

DO: Secret Freemason shenanigans.

DO: Include Darwin as the new Da vinci. He can sell you crafting materials and later invent remote controlled pigeon bombs.

DO: Make Big Ben bong when you synchronise on top of it, irrespective of the time of day.

Assassin's Creed Victory 3.5

DO: An exact copy of the plot of Assassin’s Creed 2, only with Queen Victoria instead of the Pope. The ending should be a protracted, brutal, 20 minute-long fight against the Queen in a neon Precursor temple hidden under Buckingham Palace. Also the Queen is a wizard.

DO: Go on a stealth mission with the Elephant Man.

DO: Press X to Chartism.

DO: Redeem Uplay points for bigger mutton chops.

DO: At the top of a tower, obscure view with featureless wall of London fog.

DO: Replace eagles with big ravens.

DO: Have an assassination mission in which you have three days to pass off a Cockney flower girl assassin as a lady, so that she can infiltrate the highest levels of London society.

Assassin's Creed Victory 4

DO: Have a related escort mission in which you conduct an inebriated Cockney dustman to the church. He must get there on time.

DO: Include AI imperative that forces horse-drawn carriages to arrive in threes.

DO: Share a pipe with guffawing gentlefops.

DO: Surround the player with the ambient retching and coughing at all times.

DO: “Air assassinate a rat.”

DO: Code urchins to spontaneously burst into song.

DO: Put a synchronisation point on Buckingham Palace.

DO: Charles Dance. Benedict Cumberbatch. Judi Dench. Helen Mirren. Damien Lewis. Tom Hiddleston. Tom Hardy. Christopher Eccleston. Michael Caine.

Onward, to the things you absolutely shouldn't do with the Victorian London setting.

PCGamer

PC Gamer is the global authority on PC games—starting in 1993 with the magazine, and then in 2010 with this website you're currently reading. We have writers across the US, Canada, UK and Australia, who you can read about here.

Latest in Assassin's Creed
Naoe looking at the wrist blade in Assassin's Creed Shadows
Ubisoft backflips, says Assassin's Creed Shadows will support Steam Deck at launch, but I doubt I'll actually want to play it there
Assassin's Creed Shadows key art.
Ubisoft reveals Assassin's Creed Shadows preload and unlock times
Desmond sitting in the Animus
13 years on, Ubisoft adds Steam achievements to the one mainline Assassin's Creed game you can't actually buy, but not the updated version you can
assassin's creed shadow naoe
Despite everything, Assassin's Creed Shadows preorders are 'tracking solidly,' Ubisoft says, 'in line with those of Assassin’s Creed Odyssey, the second most successful entry of the franchise'
Image of Yasuke striking an enemy in Assassin's Creed Shadows
10-series and other old GPUs should be able to run Assassin's Creed Shadows says director, and my RTX 3060 Ti sheds a single hopeful tear
Naoe looking at the wrist blade in Assassin's Creed Shadows
Assassin's Creed Shadows will let you take your pick from the frame gen and upscaling buffet as 'a mix and match approach is possible'
Latest in Features
Honey B Lovely
The state of Final Fantasy 14 in 2025: It's in a weird spot, huh?
Monster Hunter Wilds palico
One of the biggest victories of Monster Hunter Wilds' streamlining is I don't have to deal with those awful gimmick fights anymore
A vampire with a dark castle and swarms of bats in the background.
We need to decide on a genre name for Vampire Survivors-like games before a really terrible one sticks
Olivia, Alma and a palico
I wish Monster Hunter Wilds wasn't so afraid of letting me play Monster Hunter
SteelSeries QcK Performance mouse pads overlapping on a desk
The SteelSeries QcK Performance series has reignited my excitement over the simple pleasure of a quality mouse pad… and trying to click skulls with pinpoint accuracy
OneXPlayer 2 pro on a table
I never thought a handheld PC bloated with Windows could replace my Steam Deck, but after gaming on an old OneXPlayer 2 Pro I can see now I judged it too harshly