Deus Ex: Human Revolution film in the works

CBS have acquired the screen rights to Deus Ex: Human Revolution and will be working closely with the developers, Eidos Montreal, to make a film. Welcome to the terrible mental no man's land that lies somewhere between "hmm, interesting" and "ohnononono." Let's take a look at what the folk involved have to say about the thing and then recklessly judge the endeavour.

"As is clear from the wild success of the game, Square Enix and Eidos-Montreal know how to exceed their audience's expectations by engineering incredible worlds." That's the cracking, distorted voice of CBS co-president of CBS, Terry Press, appearing as a faceless talking head on a glass screen in front of the silhouette of a pacing conspirator. "No one knows 'Human Revolution' like the team that created it, and we look forward to working with them from day one to make a film adaptation worthy of the 'Deus Ex' name."

The conspirator stops and turns as faceless shadow NUMBER TWO begins to speak. "As the millions of fans who have played the 'Deus Ex' games for more than a decade will tell you, these games catapult you into a universe that is stimulating, engaging and relevant," Augmented sonic receptors (ears) tell tell us that it's Phil Rogers, president and CEO of Square Enix Europe. "We're firm believers in building strong partnerships, and so we're thrilled to be working with CBS Films on bringing the unique 'Deus Ex' experience to the bigscreen," he says.

The shadowy conspirator picks up a datapad to find a conveniently relevant Variety article on the front page. It suggests that the plot of the film will be similar to that of the game. Instead of a security guard, Jensen's character will be a SWAT operative, but he'll still have augmentations, which he'll have to use to bring down a corrupt and sinister conspiracy. The conspirator nods. Is he pleased? It's too damn dark to tell.

With a few taps at a console dossiers appear on the flat screen. One man's name swims out of the flickering golden UI. Adrian Askarieh, producer of the Deus Ex project, previous projects: Hitman.

The room grows cold.

Another name: Roy Lee. Previous credits: The Ring (US remake), The Grudge (US remake).

The conspirator moves an arm up slowly, and then hits his forehead with an audible slap. A facepalm, or the momentary glitch of a poorly calibrated arm augmentation? The man taps more buttons and three switches light up. Switch A: Press to watch this film. Switch B: Press to pretend this film doesn't exist. Switch C: Initiate drone attack order on business competitors. Which would YOU choose?