Sun reports terrorists using Call of Duty as training tool, global threat levels reduced

In a report that will have security officials breathing a sigh of relief across the land, daily British rag, The Sun, reports that terrorists have started using war games to train for attacks. MCV spotted the front page story, which suggests that “there has even been evidence would-be jihadists treat war games as training tools, a bit like a pilot might use a flight simulator”.

Traditional terrorist methods involve infiltration and subterfuge. It's thought that new techniques learned from video games like Call of Duty could make attackers easier to apprehend. We've contacted a nearby human being for their assessment. "I don't know," said the 5ft 7inch tall bloke from across the room, "maybe running behind a box and popping your head up every now and then so special ops forces can shoot you in the head for points may not translate especially well to a real life situation."

But war games feature MEN shooting GUNS. What about the THREAT to our CHILDREN? Is average man worried by the threat these revelations may pose to national security? "Ummm, I have a feeling in my stomach that might be worry," said the bloke. "But I think I might just be hungry. Can I go?"

Further claims published in The Sun suggest that terrorists may be using Call of Duty as a way to exchange secure, unmonitored messages. Angry players delivering messages like "U R a Nooboid," previously simply thought to be idiots, may in fact be a sleeper agents attempting to make contact with their handlers.

"They are logging into group games over the internet and discussing terror plots. Security people know about it. For millions who love these games this will be a huge shock,” a source told the Sun.

So there it is. The next time you log into Call of Duty multiplayer and shoot a man in the head, they may not be a man at all, but a REAL TERRORIST. Probably not, though.